


Giles: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse(s)

by ocean_of_notions, radio_silent



Series: The Very Secret Diaries...on the Hellmouth! [5]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angel is Still Writing That Soap Opera, Crack, Dear Watchers, Diary/Journal, Humor, Multi, Season/Series 03, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-05
Updated: 2008-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:33:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocean_of_notions/pseuds/ocean_of_notions, https://archiveofourown.org/users/radio_silent/pseuds/radio_silent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Dear Watchers,<br/>Slayer having shared dreams with vampire.  Odd.  I really ought to get Christmas off, don't you think?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Giles: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Apocalypse(s)

Day One  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: not here at the moment.  
Vampires: here.  
Slayerettes: still alive.

Day Two  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: present and accounted for!  
Also present: zombies.  (Bloody Americans...)

Day Three  
Dear Watchers, ~~  
Right now you're all probably roasting marshmallows in the Cotswolds. In case you forgot, I like marshmallows v. much. AND I also have been known to enjoy a hike. Did I forget to mention the hiking to anyone?~~  
Slayer: perhaps a tad bitter at appearance of new slayer (Kendra's replacement--was there a memo?)  
Me: NOT making a clucking sound with my tongue.

Day Four  
Dear Watchers,  
Could be the near death experiences or the tranquilizer in my hip speaking, but might it be time to amend the insurance policy?

Day Five  
Dear Watchers,  
It may be the head trauma speaking, but the health care leaves something to be desired.

Day Six  
Dear Wankers,  
Why are you reading this? Can't get your thrills elsewhere?  Sod off!  
(Slayer's mum is bloody hot, especially with handcuffs.)

Day Seven  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: recalcitrant.  
Local cold-blooded killers who find chainsaw torture a cute hobby: plus one.

Later...

Other Slayer: also recalcitrant.  
Gwendolyn Post: not a Watcher.  Also dead.  Where was _that_ memo?  Am I still on the mailing list???

Day Eight  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: smarter than I thought. V. proud.  Could go far--we'll talk logistics later.  
Me: going on a hiking retreat of my own! Ha!

Day Nine  
Dear Watchers,  
Events that transpired in Sunnydale while on hiking retreat: reappearance of Spike.  Xander received internal (and external) bleeding from Spike-induced head wound.  Magic shop trashed in fight with most local vampires.  Cordelia hospitalized for spike (not Spike) through stomach.  Every single teenager in Sunnydale breaks up with their significant other.

Perhaps there's a reason I don't go on retreats...

Day Ten  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer having shared dreams with vampire.  Odd.  I really ought to get Christmas off, don't you think?

Day Eleven  
Dear Watchers,  
Could use a hand with this MOO problem...despite its heart-wrenching tale of one boy's struggle against adult expectations, My Friend Flicka is frustratingly unhelpful in the Fight Against Evil.

Day Twelve  
Dear Watchers,  
Slayer: turning 18.  
Me: giving her the worst birthday present ever.  
Explain to me again the purpose of this exercise--we do _want_ the Slayer to kill the vampire, right?

Day Thirteen  
 ~~Dear Watchers,~~  
Bloody hell.  Now what do I do?  Be a high school librarian for the rest of my life?  I was the curator of the British Museum!  I didn't get a PhD to watch adolescents ignore great literature and make bad jokes about how I'm "too British for words." Blast.  

Day Fourteen  
Well...new journal (no bloody council to address all the time), new me...good lord, what am I doing?

Oh wait, an apocalypse... something I'm familiar with...

Day Fifteen  
Good Lord, first I'm fired, effectively sentenced to a career at Sunnydale High, and now I'm saddled with this Wyndam-Pryce fellow. Could he be any more insufferable???!

Later...

Yes, he could.  Squealed like a little girl.  I, on the other hand, remained very cool and collected.  Things looking up.  At this rate will achieve coolness before Xander.

Day Sixteen  
Think time away from council has heightened my observational skills. Noticed, for example, Buffy correct in assuming Faith rather crazy.  If she had to kill a man just to watch him die, could've at least done so in Reno.

Day Seventeen  
That old mystical contact came in handy today. Should do more matchmaking.

Oh, and Faith's evil.

Day Eighteen  
Buffy psychic.  And in bad mood--keeps muttering derogatory comments about my fashion sense.

Day Nineteen  
Buffy wants to leave Sunnydale (no idea why).  Bit inconsiderate of her--what am I supposed to do in her absence, shelve books?

Day Twenty  
Buffy could be a little less enthusiastic about this school formal. While I'm sure she'll enjoy herself, I'm going to be stuck babysitting Wesley as he ogles Cordelia. Joy.

Besides, I was lying; I would look horrible in taffeta.

Day Twenty-One  
Mayor to be commencement speaker at Graduation--first time ceremony may actually be interesting.

Day Twenty-Two  
Oz keeps muttering about chickpeas.  Buffy has plan.  Secretly have v. bad feeling about this.

Later...

Xander key to Buffy's plan.

The Earth is doomed.

Day Twenty-Three

Buffy's plan worked! Knew it would, of course. Have been gifted with v. smart, college-bound slayer. What more could an ex-watcher, ex-librarian need in his life?

Besides a library. Or girlfriend. Or job.

Blast.  



End file.
